#5 Heat & Desire

He said I'm one girl who can make things happen inside him. Things like heart stops beating just for a second, throat goes dry, feels giddy with goose flesh and of course the works...He said such things only happen only when you're suffering from a high temperature. He has no idea obviously how he made my tummy churn!

With a Marlboro cigarette clamped between two fingers, a thin stream of smoke curled from my lips as I thought of my favorite subject.

Ron had a way of looking at a woman. A way of tilting his head back a fraction and gazing through those deep brown eyes of his that made me tingle in all the right places. And when his lips slid into a slow, easy smile, all those tingling places just pooled and melted.

While I was scheming, the object of my fantasies pulled his black Fairlady, marching into the warped porte-cochere of my humble office building. Getting into the car was my straight ticket to hell but hell sure felt so damn good at that very moment.

It has been a while since we saw each other and my stomach did a back flip and I could feel my heart pounding so hard it's as if  its popping out of my rib cage. He still look so sensationally, devastatingly good-looking that I felt quite faint.

Ron leaned forward and kissed my blushing cheeks.
"Steady", he said in a voice as dark brown as his hair and eyes. He smiled and my knees went all wobbly. I tried to take a deep breath to steady myself but embarrassingly my lungs didn't seem to be functioning properly.
"Stop making a complete idiot of yourself!" I thought to myself. I hope he hadn't notice that my hands were trembling.

"Are you on your dangerous mind altering coffee again?" he broke the awkward silence. I let out a soft giggle, and did i mention he has a witty sense of humor!

The drive was perfect, the air that night was crisp and fresh. We parked in front of a stunning modern condo, full of jutting angles and massive balconies.

"Great, I love a room with a view."
"Wait till you see the veranda, the sunset is so incredible out there you'll forget about what I'll do to you in the room" he teased.
I just smiled and looked away. I'd felt it from the very first time we met. Heat.

We sat on the high deck, thick with container gardens.
"Beautiful sky," we both said in unison and laughed  then settled into a comfortable, knowing silence. The sun was setting, large white puffs of clouds glistened with the sun's sinking fire.

He leaned forward and held my hand. "Not married" he whispered. "Your boyfriend must be curious about tonight."

I grinned. "I'm done with him."
"Imagine that."
"Imagine." My fingers and toes were tingling.

I got up and leaned against the rail just staring into nothing when I felt arms wrapping around me from behind. I ducked away and he caught hold of both my trembling hands. He stared at me then caressed my cheek.

"Isn't it interesting where life leads you...I wanted a crib and look what I found. Wow," he whispered as he pressed a set of keys in my clammy palms.

He kissed me and I noticed that in that dark brown eyes there's a soft, sweet touch. He kissed me again and it seemed I had always known those kisses.

"You scare me Ron," I whispered.
"Let's stay tonight, I know you miss me and I definitely miss you more," he said.
"I don't know you..."
"Yes you do, I'm that guy that makes your head spins, the guy you're gonna make love to, the guy that insists you move in immediately."
"I'm not ready to fall, been there...got so hurt."
"Me, too. Never felt this way, though. You know me."
"I'm not letting you go, not tonight, not anytime soon. Stay."
"Promise..."
He kissed my fingers. "With all my heart, hell yeah."

Feeling closer to Ron than ever before, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his.

#4 The Ghost

"Mapping out my life is tough....you think?!" Haven't you heard that future always have a way of falling down mid-flight? I guess mine is not falling but more likely tearing apart or at the very least feels like it. Here I thought I had it all mapped out, here I thought everything was going perfect, here I thought settling down and be contented is something I can truly achieve. Fat chance when you have skeletons in your closet you've been trying to hide. That tall dark figure, the melancholy of his sweet scent's kept me up staring at the ceiling all night. My cell rang and I jumped, heart in my mouth as I dug the small device to look at the caller ID.

"Andie! Where you at? You okay?" he asked, and I pushed myself up into a
sitting position. “What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

Thunder rumbled above me, and I saw that while I had been lost in thought, the cloud bank had moved directly over me. Fat drops of water splatted down around my feet.

“Where are you? Did you get in a fight?”

“Yes and no.” I replied slowly, standing up and pulling myself upright. “I just needed to get out and clear my head. Can I call you back? It's raining.”

“Come over.” he said immediately. “It's just me over here, and my place is closer than yours anyway.” I smiled a little, and made an affirmative sound.

“Sure, I’ll be right over.”

Ten very wet minutes later, I arrived at the apartment where Ron was staying. I parked my car under the covered carport, then hurried up to the lobby crossing my arms tightly against the shivers that were overtaking me. Ron tagged me in, and smiled as he led me in the lift. The apartment was bigger than Jull's, with a dining nook and kitchen that swept right into the living room.

“You look a little wet sweetheart.” Ron commented, then pulled me into a hug. Immediately I felt warmer, and my spirits lifted. Being around him always put me in a good mood. He tipped my chin up and our lips locked as I leaned enthusiastically into him as a shiver completely unrelated to the rain ran down my body. “Sam's coming over soon.” he pulled back to murmur. “Besides, didn't you get enough yesterday?” I laughed, and nodded.

“You're becoming a bad habit.” I said. “But if you give me something dry to wear I’ll let you watch me get dressed.”

“I can deal with that.” he agreed happily, and led me by the hand around the corner to a room that was comfortably cozy. He nudged the door mostly shut with his hip, then pushed my hair over one shoulder and kissed the bare side of my neck, reaching around to unzip my shorts. I felt my nipples pucker harder than they already were as he stripped my shirt off, then unsnapped my bra, hands warm against my chilled skin.

“I thought you were going to find me something dry.” I said in amusement as he placed open mouthed kisses down my neck and shoulder, pulling me back against him so I could feel the erection straining his jeans.

“Me too.” he murmured, trailing his fingers down my soft belly to hook under the waistband of my panties. I let them hit the floor, then broke his grasp gently and turned to face him.

“Find me clothes!” my command broke into giggles as he grasped my waist and drew myself against him again for a kiss. “Stop it Ron!” Another kiss. “I'm serious I need to get dressed!” A kiss with tongue this time, until I pushed him away and crossed my arms to scowl at him.

“That's cute.” he chuckled, and moved past to the dresser, tossing me a pair of sweat pants and a loose tee shirt with a faded college logo on it. I pulled them on, and went out to sit on the couch while he put my clothes in the dryer. Ron was back in a minute, sitting on the end closest to me and pulled me back against him. He flipped on the TV, and we were snuggled up comfortably watching a movie when Sam came through the door twenty minutes later.

“Just friends my ass!” the pretty brunette commented with a laugh to Ron in passing.

“Should I move?” I whispered looking up at him in faint worry, but he shook his head.

“I'm pretty sure my sis already knows.” he murmured. “Sam knows everything. She's not the kind of person to spread it around, though.” I nodded, settling back in, and a minute later Sam came out in shorts and a tank top to join us.

“So, how are things?” she asked casually, staring down until I blushed and looked away. “It's about damn time, you guys have been dancing around this forever.”

“Shut up and watch the movie.” Ron shot at her, and she flipped him off, but settled back with a smile. My phone rang again, and immediately I tensed up. What if it was Jull? No, just Tam, I chided myself as I answered.

“Hi Tam.”

“Where are you? It's raining pretty hard. You better not be outside” she said, worry creeping through her voice. I could always count on Tam to take care of me if I really needed help.

“I'm with Ron...his place was closer to where I was, so I kinda popped in on him.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you soon, with stories to spill.” Tam agreed, and we hung up after saying our goodbyes.

#3 Too Good To Be True

My apartment has none of the sleek style of Jull's, and I hauled most of the furnitures home from the wallet friendly IKEA, but it's comfortable. Afterall it is still a rented unit. The furniture is all of the overstuffed, cozy variety, the kind that you can sink into for hours while you cuddle up with a good book. I settled onto my tan slip covered couch, putting my feet up the coffee table, and felt the overwhelming relief to be home that I always had at the end of a hard workday.

I'd spent the rest of my afternoon reworking the press release on Summit Conference Launch, grudgingly taking out all my favourite bits, making it as colorless as possible, it is a formal piece of work after all and it was demoralizing watching all of the spark being bleached out of it in comparison to the entertainment industry I was once in. Not that none of my best writing made it into print, just that the lucrative signing bonus has yet to come knocking at my door. So, I was stuck, which was a depressing reality to be faced with. When you're young and full of pie-in-the-sky ideas about adulthood-No parents telling you what to do! Your own place! Your own money! No more school- it never occurs to you that you might end up in a soul sucking job. Okay, maybe my job wasnt exactly soul sucking, I am married to it after all, but today just wasnt a barrel of laughs.

I remembered my weeks spent with Julls. We did a lot of cheesy couply stuff, which I probably should have been embarrassed about if I hadnt been enjoying myself so much. We went for pool sessions with my best buddies, movie marathons, strolling in shopping malls our hands linked together in a comfortably familiar way. We ate the best chicken rice and spent some quality time with his brother, and there was this morning when he made scrumptious breakfast and me admiringly watching him from the kitchen counter.

My favourite part of the week was when we spent Saturday morning just lounging round wearing sweats, munching on cookies smeared with honey glazed almonds and playing his all new Xbox 360. Everything seemed perfect and I have to admit at that very moment I was pretty complacent with what's in front of me and I thank God for finally having mercy on my disastrous love life and brought me someone that I can actually count on but...when all's good and the end note comes with a but...it spells trouble!

#2 The Best Friend

At the advanced age of twenty five, I've learned enough about the world to have developed an established set of personal perceptions by which I live my life by. The very first: Concept of One True Love is a total BULLSHIT. One may call me a sceptic, cynical, or jaded or even a little bitter and I wouldn't argue with you. It's not as though I arrived at my philosophy on love when I was twelve and still thought I was gonna marry the lead singer of Backstreetboys. No, it took years and years of bad dates, horrible setups, and one real bastard of an ex boyfriend for me to come to my senses.

I could be sauntering down the street with that special bounce to my step, burnished dark brown locks flowing in waves to my neck and gleaming in the sunlight. I suppose I could make men turn to look or dash up to me with gifts but why is that I am so bloody useless at relationships? No problem getting into them, but keeping them going longer than a couple of weeks...well, that was another matter altogether. Either that or men seemed to rotate into my schedule for several nights or weeks, and then rotate out, creating a vacuum that could only be filled by another fortnight fling.

I downed another beer and poured myself another. I didnt care if I was drunk by the time Max showed up. Max had seen me in far worse condition - snot flowing down my face, mascara streaked to my chin, and in the midst of the aforementioned puking episode. Max had seen every ugly, petty, disgusting part of me and that's why he was my best friend, one i called my brother. Any guy who can watch you hurl the whole bag of Doritos is a keeper. And when we drove up to the Highlands for a night of mindless drunken fun with Mic, the boys actually let me play the entire tracks of 'emofied' songs. You dont just find friends like that on the street corner.
I'd met Max through college years and back in Uni, since I didnt know anyone else, I ended up talking to Max again, tagging along like a lost puppy. We always ended up at McD's in the middle of the night, devouring cheeseburgers or movie marathons every other weekend. At that time, I was still seeing Ken and Max had been in an open relationship with Ellie, a manipulative bitch who thinks she's too good enough for anybody. Six months later, I caught Ken in bed with his front desk manager not literally, THANK GOD!! and three weeks later Ellie conceited as she's been by far, called it off with Max.
If we had been really pathetic, we would've ended up sleeping with each other. But since we were only semipathetic, we ended up drinking and eating with each other. A lot. And bitching and ranting. A lot. Pursuits at which we were highly skilled. Besides, Max had issues. He was an introvert and a freak about throwing unwanted stuff away which he called his treasures. If one dared to throw away his paperbag and water bottle collections, he would trip and go bellistic. Issues. One thing's for sure Ellie no longer slept with 'issues'. She was out of the issues business and he's better off without her anyways.
When Max walked in, he looked as if he were ready to kill. He was far too wholesome-looking to convey any actual sense of malice. He plopped down in the booth, dropped his briefcase on the floor, and reached for the beer, downing it in one gulp and slamming the glass back onto the table.
'AHHH...the need to moisturize my throat! Why do I do what I do?" His brown eyes narrowed, as if he's been pondering the question the entire drive over.
‘Because it pays well.’
‘It doesn’t pay well enough for me to have to listen to an idiot tell me he should get a million-five when he only got three-fifty on his last project, which bombed and he should’ve been shot for. I hate imbecile clients.’ He signaled to the waitress for another pitcher. ‘Yet I am their slave. There is something very wrong with my life.’

‘I broke up with him. When are the boys supposed to be here?’ I looked across the crowded bar towards the door, hoping to catch Billy and Mic as they came in. From the look of things, they’d have to sway their way through a gang of bimbos, their chatty mouth induced with lip plumping collagen cream. I glanced over to find Max biting his lip. Actually biting his lip to keep from saying what I knew he was dying to. I sighed. ‘Say it.’
‘You’re insane.’
When it comes to offering opinions, Max never need to be asked twice.
‘He was driving me insane,’ I said. ‘But only in the right-hand lane.’
'He was nuts about you,’ Max said. ‘And he was cute, and let’s not forget he was nuts about you.’ ‘He was nuts all right.’
‘Okay,’ I allowed, ‘he wasn’t nuts. He was perfectly sane. Annoying, but sane.’ I shrugged. ‘He’ll make some dandruff-prone, pun-loving, cereal eater a lovely boyfriend someday. Can we change the subject now?’
Max took my hand in both of his, and I couldn’t help noticing how much softer his skin felt than mine. ‘Andie, I’m you’re oldest friend in this town, and we’ve seen each other through the good men and the bad, so believe me when I tell you, and I say this with love’ – he took a moment
to give me a totally sincere look – ‘you’re going to die alone.’

‘Very funny.’ I withdrew my hand and patted him patronizingly on the arm. ‘I hope you’ve got better material in your upcomin event.’
Max’s eyes narrowed. ‘Nice try. You think if you mention the event, you’ll distract me. How self-centered do you think I am?’
I held my hands about a foot apart. ‘This much?’
‘More. But I’ll spare you because the boys are here, and neither of us will get to talk about anything but how Liverpools gonna thrash MU, best game of the century for the rest of the year.’

‘What’s going on with you two?’ Billy asked. He had finished my beer and was eyeing Max’s when the waiter came with reinforcements. ‘You looked like something serious was going down when we came in. Thanks!’ The last word was addressed to the waiter and accompanied by
one of Billy’s you-can-take-the-boy-out-of-anywhere-but-you-can’t-take-the-hermit-out-of-the-hermit cheeky grins. But he frowned when he turned to me. ‘Did you get laid off from your all time happening job?’
‘Sure she has a job,’ Max said smoothly. ‘Three guesses what she doesn’t have.’
‘Oh.’ Billy looked relieved. ‘Is that all? She just broke up with Nick?’ Billy turned to Max. ‘How long did he last?’

Max looked up from the menu and squinted. ‘She was seeing him last Xmas Day. ‘So if it’s April now, and that was end-December, he probably made it four, maybe five months.’
‘Not bad.’ Billy nodded absently while looking over the list of bucket beers. ‘What do you think pushed her over the edge? Mummy's boy?’
‘Probably the whole deal about applying moisturizer after toner,’ Mic guessed.
‘You’re both wrong,’ Max informed them. ‘It was Mr. Benchmark...all the way!’
‘Are you three sure you don’t need me for this discussion?’ I asked them. ‘Really, it’s okay, because I’m right here.’
They all looked at me for about two beats, then resumed the conversation, leaving me out of it. Which was fine. I needed the practice. I was going to die alone.

#1 The Stranger

I arrived exhausted, my face and body drawn out. Removing the work clothes I still had on-I had to rushed to catch the last plane out-then climbing into my favourite aromatheraphy baths in days, I stretched out in the miracle of the foam bath, a tired smile towards him, glad to have reached him. I guess he knew that exhausted and focussed look, the drawl of my slurring voice as I told my stories.
'I never thought talking to people would be so tiring. Jerome, he gave me a two thumbs up today after my speech with the traders. We closed the 5th deal this year.'
He was on the edge of the tub watching me, closed eyes, away from the world. I'd cut my hair short. I was much thinner. He could see that I've fallen even more in love with my job. Tired out but also refreshed by it.
I leaned forward and pulled the plug out, lay back again to feel the water disappear round me. Then I stood on the tiles, my body passive as he pressed the towel against my dark tanned shoulders.
'I know the names of our products in German,' I boasted. 'I know some German.' I'm sleepy now. Can hardly talk. Tell me bout your day...tell me something.'
'I've written a piece on Ferretti.'
'No.'
'My jet black inked history?'
'Yes. Always.'
But I was already asleep, with a smile on my face.
Sitting at the table across the room from me, Ron started rolling up his stash. I was deep in the white linen bed. Mumbling constantly, as if pitching a deal.
I woke at about nine in the morning, the room dark and cold, and slid naked from the large bed where Ron was still dreaming. I climbed into the shower and turned it on but after a minute came out with an idea. Not bothering to dry myself, I unzipped my overnight bag and pulled out my new video camera I'd bought from my work trip. I inserted the memory card and hoisted it onto my wet shoulder. Switched it on.
I began with the room, then returned to the bathroom. A close up of the texture of the towels, a close up of the shower water still running. I stood on the bed and shot down at his sleeping head, soft brown hair, his left arm out to where I'd been all night beside him. My pillow. Back to him, his curved lips, sexy ribs, back off the bed onto floor level, the camera steady, down to his ankles. Walked backwards to take in our clothes on the floor, and then to the table to his stash. Close up on the greens.
I removed the memory card from the machine and buried it under his chest drawers. I packed the camera in my bag then got back into bed beside him.
We were lying in bed, in the sunlight. 'I can't imagine your past,' he said. 'I'm a complete stranger to you. Hometown. 'You don't go back?'
'Not so often anymore. No.'
Our lives together was best in these brief quiet times, lazily, postcoitally conversing. To him I guess I was clear, comforting and sweet, to me he was attached, mysterious, always interesting. Two out of three was not good.
We've met on another ocassion, poker game at Ben's then a birthday party. I was there for the fun, and Ron was there for brotherhood quite by chance.
'I'm sneaking away,' I said. 'Enough alcohol for the night!'
'Stay. I've got plans. I promised myself this evening with the boys. I promise you the best meal at 4am if you come with me.'
We drove to McDonalds. Packed up some chips and nuggets to go.
'Do you even know what you're doing?' he asked.
'Yes. Let's just say I'm aware and not half as stoned as you are.'
'Is that your opening line?'
A lit guardhouse appeared on the side of the housing area and he turned in and parked beneath the blinking lights of the basement. 'I live here,' he said.
We walked up the steps in each other's arms.
'Must be something in the JD. You sure you didnt spiked my drinks?'
'Yes.' he laughed.
'A known aphrodisiac...'
'I'll never sleep with you if you say you don't like Cafe del'mar...grab me a shirt.'
'From the rate of one to ten how much do you want to kiss me right now?'
'Kiss me here. Do you have a difficult past I've to learn?'
'As black as ink.'
'Ink eh. I never wanted to marry a pothead. You're attached, aren't you?'
'Lets just say I walk alone.'

Earth bound

How could men forget their passions in the dread?
Extinguishing the bright sun and the stars
The crackling trunks fell and faded
as forest were set on fire day by day
The world contain nothing but a fearful hope
That famine wont fed upon all entrails men
But all Earth was but one thought and that was death
as men did nothing but terrified the greens and mother nature...
And with curses casts them upon dust

Until Then

Watched the sky fall over me
In a night of dreams
Stood under the barren tree
Laugh when I remember how it seemed

Thought that we were two
Called
You said who?
Still cry when I think of you

My confession is my own
Saw you kissed me, didn’t wanna go home
Stood under the barren tree
Felt the fall come over me
Felt you…you…

Stay, go-leave me alone
Stay, leave-I’m begging you please
Love is the word you say
But you wont say
Love…please say that you’ll stay

You’re so good
You’re so bad
You came to where I stood
Made it all seem so sad
I stood under the lonely tree
Felt the night sink over me
Lost you! Why? Because of you…

Stay, go-you’ve stolen my home
Stay, leave-I’m begging you please
Love is the word you would never say
Love, please say that you’ll stay